She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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