so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
