god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize