someone owes me an orgasm
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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