I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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