remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
