My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will be naked everywhere
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
