FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
