On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
