Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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