i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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