maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so much tequila, so little girl.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
