I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
