Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
