I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
