Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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