Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
