my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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