my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
