i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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