Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
