your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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