They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
