either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
