You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
smell my finger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
