Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
