He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize