I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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