OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
