people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize