At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
