god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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