my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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