seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
