you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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