But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
