all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
