farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
