dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
