Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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