It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
