I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
