We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
