I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
