just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
