the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
