whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
