My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
