I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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