I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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