Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
