Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
