We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
