First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
