Nicole vs. Life
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
