I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
