Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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