I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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