It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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