i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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