I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
