she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
