Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize